That’s what life is about. A permanent show, in which you don’t know the lines and you need to take action, everyday. Fight for what you want, fight your emotions, your fears.
But I’m not a fighter. Not for now. Not for real. I’ve been struggling with my conscience, my emotions, for too long. And when I was ready to let go, live my life, something or someone always prevented me from doing it, 100%. Still, I’ve been letting go of many things lately and I feel like I have a clearer mind.
A week ago, I had a text from a friend, following a conversation about love and relationships (what else, anyway). Some parts of the conversation annoyed me, and I didn’t know why after receiving the last text: my friend was right. I closed the door on everything, and I don’t trust anyone, convinced that my behaviour was the best one. I was wrong.
There’s much to live out there in this world, and I tend to stay home and wait for my time to come. How can I achieve anything with someone if I don’t try ? I desperately want to try again. But I’m scared. And I think my fear is taking over and makes the people I care about go away.
When I’m attracted to someone, I guess that my bad karma is making things worse, until I realized my attitude problems did make them worse than they were.
The funny thing about someone you meet is the early beginnings. Sending each other texts, innocent flirting words, realizing that this person is not only insanely gorgeous, but makes you laugh..These are key moments to me. Even before the first date, sometimes. And just like many of us, I want to rush things (maybe because I’m an Aries, too) - and I crash everything.
And sometimes, the one I lay my eyes on is not interested. It wouldn’t be called love if it wasn’t for moments like that too.
Sometimes, you feel a strong connection with your partner and one day, you realize it didn’t mean anything to them, and they just move on and forget your name and number. And it hurts.
But you can’t just lock the door and pretend you can’t get burned. Something always tells you that you can’t escape and you will have to face emotions again, sooner or later.
I’m at this point in my life where I just can’t escape. It feels exciting but also very scary, and for now, fear takes over. Because “every road that I’ve taken led to my regret. I don’t know if I’m gonna make it. I have nothing to do but lift my head.” (I miss you Whitney)
I’m at this point in my love life where I’m interested in someone. And I know the outcome already. But I’ll face it. Half my life has passed. And there’s no time, NO TIME to lose.
And you should all face your emotions and live. That makes lots of stories to tell your children. And I wanna share these memories with mine. The good, the bad. So they can learn that life is about joys and bad moments, but you can always overcome them.
I haven’t replied to my friend’s text yet. But I’m going to thank him for his advice and support.